the web server deployment model breaks at hobby scale

you could trim out the unused query parameters

You could also reject unused query parameters. For top-level resources, this will break other sites that link to you and add their own query string parameters (I’ve done it anyway), but for subresources this is absolutely fair game.

People don't do this though, right? Why would you add any of that?

Just ship a precompiled executable or a docker container with just the necessary bits. Serving static files especially is so trivial that it doesn't make sense to connect up a reverse proxy for them.

This article and I have a very different idea of what "hobby scale" means.